4:06am 13th Dec

13th Dec, is a special day. It's my dad's birthday.


today, 13thDec, i failed as a son, cause for the first time, someone had to talk to me personally to return the money, and i wasn't able to pluck out even 300 for my dad to solve his personal crisis.



last week, i failed myself as a lover, i made a wrong judgement, i thought i wasn;t gonna love my skinnife again, ended up, i did, but it was all too late as well


sometimes when i think about it, what for i need to earn so much money, now, i'm very likely getting a chronic disease straight at my gastric, i dunno how long will i live, but my health is really torturing me, regardless day or night.

things ain't going good for me in every aspect as well




with all these happening to me, should i cry, or just smile my way through?

1:08pm 29thNov

Things had changed. Wy changed for the extreme.


sigh, life sucks nowadays.

didn't know i had transformed so much, or was it due to the things surrounding me all the time.

how i wish this misery, which wasn't suppose to be my misery, would be gone.


Beer is my remedy, towards my sorrows.

4:11am 30thMay

oh, and its the end of the month again -.-


and at least i'm clearing most of my debts alr -.-

office days all the while and will probably end soon, lols


and i seriously dunno wads so interesting about my life now that i can blog about,

so its time to rest (:


adios \l/

1:33am 10th May

Alright, been a long time since i blogged.


having attachment nowadays @ Quantum Automation.

so far so good over there, at least nobody screws me up over, at least for now.


And so, life as a working class isn't that bad also, except for the dumb stress we face in office daily, -.- damned.



What goes around, comes around, and fuck you upside down

2:59am 10thApr

ohwell.

my life's in a mess.

everything is so behind schedule, so far behind.


i've got no one to blame for wasting my holidays away,

but myself, for being foolish and lazy all the time.



dreading the way my life is now.

how i wish something would change, so that i can change,

for the better at least?. lols


making a time machine, or catch up to the impossible?

4:03am 3rdApr

alright, have comes the first weekend of April -.-


alright, mum handed me $300, which means its time to do some self-control over money.

so maybe a good way will be keeping track of them here? (:

Transport - $10

Spools - $5

Food - $5



ok, $20 gone in one day.

niceone -.-



new challenge all the time, damn

3:25am 30thMar

feeling sick nw -.-


unknowingly, a quarter of 2010 passed, lols .

and knowingly myself, i had not accomplish anything yet, lols .


its alright, i'm only looking forward to Wed night (:



everything will change,

2:37am 25thMar

seriously dunno how to make this post seem right,

or maybe i should say, i dunno how to make this post seems i'm alright.


its ok, i found 2 new pals today.

they're called 'I' and 'myself' .


just came back from somewhere again.

seriously, i need a drink, alone.



me, myself and I

3:21am 24thMar

ohwell, normal days will carry on until the day supp paper results are out.


been chatting around msn and looking over facebook,



and the conclusion for the day is, i really wanna go the fucking museum, damn.


for once i think museum can be a cool place to hang out, lols


play hard to get by, should i play?

4:08am 22ndMarch

had a very funny nightmare last night, lols .

yup, funny nightmare -.-


the moment i forced myself out of it, i woke up and started smiling to myself, lols .



ok, sounds fucking dumb, anyway the real nightmare will come in around 5hours time .


somehow i got the feeling, i'll get screwed again.



can i know everything, seriously.

3:10am 21stMar

ohwell,

sometimes i wonder what am i doing nowadays .


everything seems so wrong, but what's really wrong?

time to off my tv and start sleeping (:



if this is life, then i surrender .

3:23am 16thMar

4days of pure torture has finally ended, lols .


and i guess i deserve some good rest (: not some stupid remedials , damn!


best day

2:54am 10thMarch

will be a busy week.

and also disappointing ones next week .

this holiday will be screwed from next week onwards, niceone .


when life is screwed, making and waiting for decisions just screw it deeper.

if only time stopped the moment i was born, lols


can a monk smoke?

3:35am 9thMar

ohwell.

spent a nice day out today.

and found a good place to slack, anyway i'm tired -.-



bye !

don't know what i want

4:02am 8thMar

damn, 2nd week of March alr.


ohwell, another pretty wasted weekend.

as expected, things don't go my way again.

doesn't matters anymore already.


god-damnit.




understand myself? or something else first?

3:43am 7thMar

ohwell.

spent a pretty lame weekend doing nothing.

tmr should be the same alr , lols .


disappointments are so uncommon to me nowadays,

to the extent, when one appears, it really affects me .


maybe its a good thing that children cries all the time, though i seriously hate it.

cos when they reach a point of time, even when they're upset, they can't cry.


this is the world people !

4:30am 5thMar

ohwell.



i wonder why making choices can be so troublesome,

and i seriously dunno wads a right and wads a wrong choice.


think i should start meditating at home sometimes.


i wanna go barrage!

4:06am 1st Mar

the 517th post, (:

First day of March. Approaching the end of the first quarter.


Alright, spent a good night out,

despite missing some soccer actions. lols


been long since i can relate some of my matters to a person.

Life has always been like this. People come in and get out of your lives once in a while.

But, what matters is still now.



special

4:20am 27thFeb

this is my 6570th day on earth, lols


ohwell, not expecting any stuffs this year.

nothing much to add on also.

thanks for accompanying me on the 6569th, my confirm-chop fail exams and also some peeps.


(:



Day6254 and 6255 on earth was a much happier one, ohwell

3:33am 25thJan

ohwell. 48hours more to my 19th .


but guess it'll be almost the same or probably lousier than last's .

gave myself a good present already and the present will be delivered a few weeks from now.

In school sitting for a few supp papers, lol



the bottomline is,

screw myself

3:44am 20thFeb

life's getting so dull everyday.



few more days to the first paper and some more days to the end (:



ohwell, life as per normal. Just that it seemed like i received a big red packet at my right eye -.-



couldn't find a use

3:44am 14thFeb

happy chinese new year people !


will be out of town for a few days,

so yea, cyas (:


new start

2:06am 10thFeb

alright, a few more days to CNY,

probably a bad start i guess .

spent more than $80 from my mum's pocket just to see doctor -.-


i guess thats why i'm not smoking this few days,

only finished a stick just nw, lols


now i'm starting to wonder, are these the withdrawal symptoms, zz .



troubles falling on my head.

4:06am 8thFeb

i wonder what's wrong with my body,

i can't even sleep even though i'm uber tired nw -.-


every sneeze or cough is a fucking torture , damned.



not my day, again

3:16am 6thFeb

ohwell.


thought of spending my weekends in a more appropriate way.

met some people on the way here and there.

but somehow everything on my mind is still the same .


that wierd feeling that's so cooped up in my mind .

and i guess i need more rest nowadays .


I'm sorry, truly

2:56am 3rdFeb

ohwell, its already February.


soon, CNY will come and the torturing days followed by that.

days are getting busier and so is everything .


hopefully i can spend more time here.



speechless and helpless

2:54am 29thJan

just finished a 1hr phone discussion with a possible new-partner.


sometimes, things are too good to be real for me .

now, it looks as if the cruise just lifted the anchor out of the seabed

but will the cruise even start moving at a slow pace, i seriously wonder, lols .


gambling with time

1:05am 26thJan

life is a torture every now and then.


after the long weekend, i came to a conclusion of everything since the new chapter of my life had began.



everything is so different now, i just feel like shutting myself out of the world, but due to many considerations i can't do it.

in life there's many things to regret, and there's no excuses sometimes.

maybe i've yet to find one, but things have been miserable all the while .

from, my body to financial and from friends to family.

its a pretty hard time to get through, but since its not the first time for the finance and family department to screw up, so its ok.

somehow the part about my body is a torture.

when people question me 'why you always no money despite working?', its quite difficult to answer this simple question.

even though a simple answer will be, i know my body well, there's certain things i can do, and many that i cannot do from now on.

its not something that could be taken care of easily like a fix or some physio session.

one of my new year resolution would probably fail nw and that is to clear my debts by CNY,

sometimes, its not just about the effort shown, its the ability to show these effort.



let's just hope everything will be more successful in the coming chapter, and i'll sigh less than 20times a day when i think about my future.



done ranting

4:41am 19thJan

alright, consecutive 4nights, lols .


went for the 3rd therapy in the afternoon.

and its some pretty bad news to the family's wallet, lols .

the sinseh asked me to go for an x-ray, or i might even be required to do those stupid scans which cost around $800 , lols .


so, possible cause of backaches are:

slipped disc , or/and

nerve being pressed by 'dunno what bone'


and thus, causing the stupid numbness at the legs when i thought i was too fat .

human's body is so fascinating huh ?. lols .


ohwell, there goes my plans .



the torturing days.

5:30am 18thJan

my back is a fucking torture i swear, god damnit.


alright, going to school soon.

without any sleep for 3nights in a row (:



stranded

5:24am 17thJan

life is often a drag.

disappointments and hurdles come side by side.

this post could have turned out to be an essay, but somehow i don't wish to continue.

humans are all the same.

after 2sleepless nights,

i wonder what has been through my mind.



for now, i wanna speak to a stranger .

4:36am 15thJan

days getting boring .


maybe this is what they call aimless.

probably just received the key to success, but now i don't feel like looking for the keyhole, lols .

ohwell,



pain in the ass, really

12:48am 13thJan

ohwell,

days getting tough and me getting more frustrated each time each day.


sometimes, things are just hard to get over,

even if u need a person u talk to,

u dunno where and what to start with,

or to even start with, there's no time to explain .


a heave of sigh.

3:33am 9thJan

In a wink, 1/3 of Jan is gone.

CNY in 1month time .

but nt really looking forward to it , hahas .


the main concern now is money,

and also time to do some soul-searching .

everything is changing around me ,

sometimes i dunno what i should do.

there's alot of people giving me different suggestions all the time.

but i just dunno what to say all the time .


In conclusion so far,
B for bullshits.

lady luck, i need your shine ..

10:02am, 7th jan

i hope time could pause here a little longer..

i love you.


-skinnife

5:31am 2ndJan

alright, official first 2010 post in this blog, lols .

new year's resolution up.

and off i go .


make the wise choice.