2:06am 10thFeb

alright, a few more days to CNY,

probably a bad start i guess .

spent more than $80 from my mum's pocket just to see doctor -.-


i guess thats why i'm not smoking this few days,

only finished a stick just nw, lols


now i'm starting to wonder, are these the withdrawal symptoms, zz .



troubles falling on my head.

4:06am 8thFeb

i wonder what's wrong with my body,

i can't even sleep even though i'm uber tired nw -.-


every sneeze or cough is a fucking torture , damned.



not my day, again

3:16am 6thFeb

ohwell.


thought of spending my weekends in a more appropriate way.

met some people on the way here and there.

but somehow everything on my mind is still the same .


that wierd feeling that's so cooped up in my mind .

and i guess i need more rest nowadays .


I'm sorry, truly

2:56am 3rdFeb

ohwell, its already February.


soon, CNY will come and the torturing days followed by that.

days are getting busier and so is everything .


hopefully i can spend more time here.



speechless and helpless

2:54am 29thJan

just finished a 1hr phone discussion with a possible new-partner.


sometimes, things are too good to be real for me .

now, it looks as if the cruise just lifted the anchor out of the seabed

but will the cruise even start moving at a slow pace, i seriously wonder, lols .


gambling with time

1:05am 26thJan

life is a torture every now and then.


after the long weekend, i came to a conclusion of everything since the new chapter of my life had began.



everything is so different now, i just feel like shutting myself out of the world, but due to many considerations i can't do it.

in life there's many things to regret, and there's no excuses sometimes.

maybe i've yet to find one, but things have been miserable all the while .

from, my body to financial and from friends to family.

its a pretty hard time to get through, but since its not the first time for the finance and family department to screw up, so its ok.

somehow the part about my body is a torture.

when people question me 'why you always no money despite working?', its quite difficult to answer this simple question.

even though a simple answer will be, i know my body well, there's certain things i can do, and many that i cannot do from now on.

its not something that could be taken care of easily like a fix or some physio session.

one of my new year resolution would probably fail nw and that is to clear my debts by CNY,

sometimes, its not just about the effort shown, its the ability to show these effort.



let's just hope everything will be more successful in the coming chapter, and i'll sigh less than 20times a day when i think about my future.



done ranting

4:41am 19thJan

alright, consecutive 4nights, lols .


went for the 3rd therapy in the afternoon.

and its some pretty bad news to the family's wallet, lols .

the sinseh asked me to go for an x-ray, or i might even be required to do those stupid scans which cost around $800 , lols .


so, possible cause of backaches are:

slipped disc , or/and

nerve being pressed by 'dunno what bone'


and thus, causing the stupid numbness at the legs when i thought i was too fat .

human's body is so fascinating huh ?. lols .


ohwell, there goes my plans .



the torturing days.