4:00am 31stJuly

alright, the official end of july (:

and thus 5 more months to 2010?. lols .

i'm thinking too much , hahahas .



and i'm damnit into 20thCenturyBoys , damn nice.


alright , a break for me nw i guess , lols


trying my best,

2:11am 30thJuly

alright, its really the end of july now .


the day was fine, since i rewarded myself with more sleeping time (:

and went back earlier after jap to give myself another rest (:


and i guess thats all for the day , lols .

i'm near to making the perfect ciggarette for myself , yea .



maybe i will?

1:18am 29thJuly

i guess its the only night i can sleep properly,

thus i shall end this short and sweet (: , like this .


and yea, tmr's another hell of a torture rack, so will the weekends be.

i hope there'll be new hamsters soon (:



the devil sins

2:10am 28thJuly

its only monday,

but it feels like a very taxing one .

looks like this week will be a hell of a torture, i guess?.


soon i'll deprieve of sleep, actually i am now.



over and under

2:47am 27thJuly

its the last weekend of July alr,

and we're heading towards August in a fucking fast speed -.-

maybe when ur pocket is empty,

time moves faster due to the reduced weight, zz


alright , the day was fine since i slept away half of it,

went town at night to met some idiot and some friends .

had a small slacking session, compared to days ago.

and now i'm here going to sleep soon,

i'm deprived of sleep now ,



i need a fucking time machine!

1:07am 26thJuly

lols , i guess i haven't been sleeping properly for nights ,

tonight will be no exception , zz

another not so lonely night.

1:13am 23rdJuly

alright,

a slightly better and quieter day for me .

or rather a cold one throughout ,

didn't realise i was actually having a cold since this morning ,

for once i thought it'll be that cold if the eclipse happens ,

even when i decided to warm myself up by playing bball awhile ,

i was still feeling cold -.- lols ,


alright,tmr's another day of wallet crying session, ohwell.



the right decision,

9:59pm 21stJuly

Can everything in this world not piss me off at the wrong times ?


i seriously dunno wad can i post today, i'm full of vulgarities nw in my mind .

Why must everything including this fucking blog piss me off?.


why can't you just not piss me off at the right times ?.

why can't you stop being the cause of my fucking distractions ?.

why can't you just give me a break?.


why can't you just be a little bit more stronger and have more faith in yourself ?.

why do you need to piss me off with tears ?

why can't you just let me have a chance to enjoy my life now when my stress level has finally drop?.
WHY ?.


what's your problem?. what's my fucking problem?.

It's hitting my limits so much, i can feel my blood boil above my head constantly now.

why must you do all this craps of all the times ?

why must you be so fucking sensitive?.

why can't you just be different from all the others ?

why can't you just let me prepare everything peacefully with my mind clear for your birthday?.

why are you unintentionally screwing up things for me almost all the time ?.

the reason i don't say out the last line all this time because i cared for your feelings .

but this time i seriously can't be bothered anymore .

why do i have to report everything ?

the way you said you don't wanna let me feel that your controlling me is very contradicting.

I'm an animal that needs more breathing space compared to my similar kinds .

i like to be alone

i don't need a companion

but why can't you just grant me that ?

keeping my phone in my bag or away from me is my habit

lying down at the sofa , playing my psp while falling asleep is something i really enjoy doing at home .

I'm not an open book to be read by people, i don't blame you for not knowing this .

To the people around me, when they complained how fuckedup their life is ,

I'd just give them the easiest but also the most difficult suggestion,

for BGR, just breakup if your not happy anymore,

for jobs, it's no pint working anymore if you're not happy

for persuing happiness, just do it and not regret.



I'm the one who can say all this easily but not able to do it efficiently ,

though I used to be someone able to do this .

because of you, I've decided to pull out more time .

because of you, I've tried my best to give up things for the sake of you.

because of you, I've tried my best to stretch my limit .

until now , I'm starting to doubt if it's worth it or not .


all along,

I hated my gf to cry , because it shows that I'm not doing good enough,

I'm someone that actually lacks confident in many things,

however, I'm always confident in sometime.

I might not be able to let you enjoy good things all the time ,

but I know I can make the moments spent together happy ones.

I'm very sure of it .


but now, I'm starting to feel, its dragging me .

I just wanna enjoy my life,

and my definition for this is easy,

its ok if i don't have a strong financial ability,

its ok if my general happiness is moderately low all the time ,

but i want to give you the best times all the time when you're with me .

and the life I'm wishing for in future is actually,

leading a stable life ,

with an average income, probably with a small and useless bike

live in a small house, so small that, it'll be just nice to fill up everything I need,

enjoying my life smoking and drinking once a week, be it at pub or just coffeeshops,

and of course doing something I really like ,


I had never spoke of such stuffs before , to anyone .

It has been a long time since I felt like saying all these, a very long time .



sometimes, it would be nice to just cry out when I'm feeling down,

but somehow I can't seem to do this anymore .



I no longer feel that pissed anymore ,

but I know a need a break ,

short or long,

I don't know,

but I need sometime on my own for now .



my journey

12:54am 20thJuly

in a wink of an eye,

there goes 2/3 of July , lol .


work was boring as usual ,

and i hope some money gets banked in soon , ohmy .


August will be a terrible month,

esp given my financial status now ,

11more days to go before that dreadful month, god-damnit.



craps of the universe.

2:44am 19thJuly

alright,

ir definitely is boring to give out balloons the whole day -.-

straining me mentally and thus physically,

though its only 5hours -.-


ohwell ,another round to continue tmr ,



i wonder which stage have i reached?.

2:18am 18thJuly

alright ,

apent a day rotting after a long night at pub , lol


today's hell of a day for consulting sessions .

a very long time since i had time for such stuffs , lol .

ohwell , managed to help some of them , and tried to help some of them .


and i'm sleepy alr , lols .

time to go off i guess .


my memory's failing me.

2:12am 16thJuly

alright , trying my best to study BLDGSAA,

but when i look at the notes ,

i wondered how i manage to copy so much and not understanding them at all -.-

maybe sleeping will be a good option now ?. lols


plans foiled thans to unexpected events ,

1:20am 15thJuly

alright , school was as boring as usual .

projects piling up like all the dead corpse that can be recovered in a disaster .

and the week will definitely suck from now onwards , ohwell .



a bad feeling.

1:00am 14thJuly

time to sleep, and slog my ass off soon (:

money money money

1:05am 13thJuly

ohwell , here comes the rainy days again.

and i haven't prepared well enuf for times like this to be coming .


spent a great day with someone ,

watched IceAge3 (: .

damn funny , a good show to make u laugh after a horrible week, lols .

and yea, here comes another torturous week .

good luck everyone -.-



to make it or break it, lies in you.

1:10am 12thJuly

Thurday night was fun at pub for arland's farewell (:

Friday was horrible cos i had nothing to do and no money ,

but went Arnold with someone to have a big chicken feast (:


alright , today sucked too ,

met up to do jap's roleplay project with jap classmates (:

glad they're nice peeps .

and went to do some shopping and a small visiting after that at night .

and i'm really tired now , yawns .



where should i proceed next?

2:21am 9thJuly

alright, another long day tmr i guess ,

the hectic days are coming again thanks to projects and everything else that has got relations to school (:


and now , my weekends would be screwed , thanks .



things that cannot kill you will only make you stronger

12:16am 8thJuly

ok, i'm tired .


just stfu everyone .

a minute will do .



deprieved of quiet moments.

12:04am 6thJuly

alright ,

a rainy day, which makes me more sick .



but i'm happy too , at least i get to fall asleep early ,

i hope i'll sleep really soon man -.-


spent the night out with the usuals .

and i guess its time to sleep since i can't concentrate any longer , seriously .



give up when u need to, and come back again soon.

1.38am 5thJuly

alright , the day sucks .

caped at home until dunno wad time .

felt like going out but decided not to .



mood was totally spoilt later on .

and i don't wish to comment abt it anymore .




can my money just come back and all troubles gone?.

2:06am 3rdJuly

argh , crap day .

school was fine ,

but everything in the world that revolves around me seems to be going on a stormy sea.


fucked up things happenening all around .

the last source for money gone .

people needs to piss me off real bad when i'm at the worst mood ever .

and of cos there's more to the storm,

just that those mentioned are slightly more important events.





i think ur bull-shitting, seriously.

2ndJuly 3:01am

alright , the start of a month, again.


we're approaching the 2nd half of 2009,

its like the start of a second half in a soccer match?.lols

alright then ,

the day was fine ,

lessons going well and having fun,

knew some group members and had a bad haircut .


alright then, shall have fun tmr .



out of nowhere.