Can everything in this world not piss me off at the wrong times ?
i seriously dunno wad can i post today, i'm full of vulgarities nw in my mind .
Why must everything including this fucking blog piss me off?.
why can't you just not piss me off at the right times ?.
why can't you stop being the cause of my fucking distractions ?.
why can't you just give me a break?.
why can't you just be a little bit more stronger and have more faith in yourself ?.
why do you need to piss me off with tears ?
why can't you just let me have a chance to enjoy my life now when my stress level has finally drop?.
WHY ?.
what's your problem?. what's my fucking problem?.
It's hitting my limits so much, i can feel my blood boil above my head constantly now.
why must you do all this craps of all the times ?
why must you be so fucking sensitive?.
why can't you just be different from all the others ?
why can't you just let me prepare everything peacefully with my mind clear for your birthday?.
why are you unintentionally screwing up things for me almost all the time ?.
the reason i don't say out the last line all this time because i cared for your feelings .
but this time i seriously can't be bothered anymore .
why do i have to report everything ?
the way you said you don't wanna let me feel that your controlling me is very contradicting.
I'm an animal that needs more breathing space compared to my similar kinds .
i like to be alone
i don't need a companion
but why can't you just grant me that ?
keeping my phone in my bag or away from me is my habit
lying down at the sofa , playing my psp while falling asleep is something i really enjoy doing at home .
I'm not an open book to be read by people, i don't blame you for not knowing this .
To the people around me, when they complained how fuckedup their life is ,
I'd just give them the easiest but also the most difficult suggestion,
for BGR, just breakup if your not happy anymore,
for jobs, it's no pint working anymore if you're not happy
for persuing happiness, just do it and not regret.
I'm the one who can say all this easily but not able to do it efficiently ,
though I used to be someone able to do this .
because of you, I've decided to pull out more time .
because of you, I've tried my best to give up things for the sake of you.
because of you, I've tried my best to stretch my limit .
until now , I'm starting to doubt if it's worth it or not .
all along,
I hated my gf to cry , because it shows that I'm not doing good enough,
I'm someone that actually lacks confident in many things,
however, I'm always confident in sometime.
I might not be able to let you enjoy good things all the time ,
but I know I can make the moments spent together happy ones.
I'm very sure of it .
but now, I'm starting to feel, its dragging me .
I just wanna enjoy my life,
and my definition for this is easy,
its ok if i don't have a strong financial ability,
its ok if my general happiness is moderately low all the time ,
but i want to give you the best times all the time when you're with me .
and the life I'm wishing for in future is actually,
leading a stable life ,
with an average income, probably with a small and useless bike
live in a small house, so small that, it'll be just nice to fill up everything I need,
enjoying my life smoking and drinking once a week, be it at pub or just coffeeshops,
and of course doing something I really like ,
I had never spoke of such stuffs before , to anyone .
It has been a long time since I felt like saying all these, a very long time .
sometimes, it would be nice to just cry out when I'm feeling down,
but somehow I can't seem to do this anymore .
I no longer feel that pissed anymore ,
but I know a need a break ,
short or long,
I don't know,
but I need sometime on my own for now .
my journey
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