My bro met a bike accident yesterday, glad that he's fine other than his fractured knee. So, since this is my blog, this should be about how I feel. I never discourage people to stop riding bikes even after accidents, and I will still stand by my opinion even though my younger brother suffered this time. I feel really thankful, that whoever created me, made me the person I am. I do not let people worry about me. Reminded me of times when I needed to make decisions that people would normally discuss with their family, and I chose not to let them affect my decision, be it being the right, or wrong decision. From getting myself in loanshark debts, being a s.o.b and screw the others who I think deserve to get screwed, to letting my parents know that, I can go Tekong on my own, to decide and volunteer myself for Brunei trips, to take my first ever flight without anyone sending me, to having a pretty serious injury on my left wrist that requires operation.
To the world out there, I might be very independent, probably because of what I see and experience while I was growing up. But, sometimes I really hate myself for being like this. I really, don't understand why, I have difficulties sharing problems with my family, why I think in a way that is self-centered, yet being considerate and not trouble people. I know, I think very highly of myself, and thus problems mentioned above, which I see as negative scenarios that people will only give me politically right answers, and if you bother to take a look on the right side of this blog, you should really know I hate politically right answers. Thus, I make those decisions myself, and let people that should know when the time is right, which in some cases, never.
I don't understand, but I'm not complaining about the fairness in life because i clearly understands, fairness doesn't exist in all spectrum of life. Why, is the person who left me months ago, able to happily go Phuket with her new love, and why must I suffer the pressure of seeing my only brother in hospital. It really hurts, it really does. Even though, he's fine, and since i don't blame the judgement of fairness ministry, i really dunno, if i deserve this. I think deep down somewhere, I crave for attention, but my right mind tells me, 'its ok WY, you can handle this on your own and you don't need people acknowledging you for the things you've done.'
I don't understand , why do I help people so much, especially those people I just know, to help them break free from their no-win traps in their head. I clearly understand, there will not be a gain in whatever ways, even if i do it. And i also feel that, we do things for a purpose, and to get personal gains isn't one of them. Sometimes I really feel god-damn helpless, really, but I'm putting on a show to deceive myself actually.
And for goodness sake, I've not even talked about potential money problems yet, its just psychological now at the moment. I'm not breaking down, not even close. But it just sucks to the point I think I need to note this down with this retarded laptop i swooped with Fiona after the breakup.
AND THE ABOVE RANTS COMES FROM MY -TIVE PERSONALITY.
I've to admit, I'm suffering from Split Personality Disorder. Just that I'm able to curb it down easily without any medications, and talking to psychiatrists. I talk to myself everyday.
Well, now its my positive side doing the talking, we have agreed on a deal that, Mr.- will only appear when I have too much to bear, while Mr.+ will take control in all decision makings. Business, isn't really picking up yet, but I'm getting things worked out here and there. Decided to keep myself slightly busier, but apparently I'm increasing my ability to analyse and solve problems on my feet, so yea, I'm not busier.
Wenlong had been a really great friend, lending me his support, financially and mentally. Wesley had been a great friend, lending me his smart brain so that at least I know, there's a person on the same level as me, using the brain properly. Joel is just plain stupid and retarded on many many levels. He's still one of the person I trust as a friend, but still, he's stupid on too many levels.
Fiona, I guess is happily being with his below mediocre boyfriend, enjoying life while slogging like a dog at work. I think she's happy, and I'm happy for her, but seriously she's together with a cunt, and so I guess its nothing worth celebrating. Afterall there's a reason why he'll always be a front desk staff in a hotel, and why am I the Director of SOAR GROUPS PRIVATE LIMITED, and why I will throw my namecard in his face one day. Don't mind me, I just hate ugly things.
I did not go Bangkok eventually, because my Thai gf left me for another guy too eventually, HAHAHA. I'm not admitting I'm a loser, because I merely lost 2 pawns in my life, and yes, this is the hidden agenda of this post, I wanna admit some things I'm not proud of, and declare some stuffs that's in my mind now.
Fiona and Fai, had been pawns in my life. Fiona for her well-off family backgrounds, and Fai for her mega-rich contact in Thailand. I'm a scheming son of a bitch, and I don't really care because that is something i do best. My agenda didn't really had a decent actual motive, but Fiona served well. Fai unfortunately, did not stay long enough as a useful pawn, but its ok, no harm done.
And thus, I think I have enough of such experience, because like I said earlier, I think too highly of myself that, I can only get things done on my own. I'm still wavering as a person, just like the small boat on top of this post. But I know, its sailing smooth, definitely.
Recently knew this girl, hadn't meet her yet, but she's totally like Fiona, minus the rich background and probably some horrendous Princess syndromes. I think, I like her, but I was afraid of facing another Fiona incident in my life. Even though she's supposed to be a pawn, but it really hurts when you lose it. And so, I've decided, I still need pawns in my life, but I need a person, that will talk to me, and my 2 inner self, who'll at the same time give me support for the right things to do. This girl, named Summer, erased my fear of losing, and made me realize I need something as a support, which coincidently, is what a wife do. And come to think of it, maybe that's why I didn't even try to win her back when she left, because I guess deep down inside, the worth is gone, as a person i 'loved, and as a pawn itself.
Summer, on the other hand, and yes, I'm dedicating a paragraph to her. Is a very special girl, a needy one as well. She might, or not be the one, but I'm definitely attracted to her. I'm trying my best to cheer her on now and then, so that she'll be less negative in life. She made me realize, I need to, love a person, for who she is, regardless of her past, present and future. Something for sure, she might resemble Fiona in almost everything, but I promise, she'll be the Summer, I'll treat truly with my heart, if it ever happens. But well, haven't even knew her as a person yet. But 1 thing for sure, she showed me something very different, and I know i need to change.
And so, the last time I posted, I did none of the stuffs I said i probably need to do, I guess that's what life is, Change is Constant. And so, I'm still pretty unclear of what is happening in SOAR GROUPS in terms of business procedures, but its definitely operating well under my care. We can easily turn the $8k deficit, and this will be the best year ever for the Goats like all fortune teller in the TV says, because, SOAR, will be the next big thing!
SETH. ORIGINAL. AWESOME. r?
That R, will be a secret till the day i deem right to disclose it.
